Matthew 11

Jason Low preached on this on Sunday, and I really liked it. So I'm going to blog about it.

v.16-19: "To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others:
 'We played the flute for you,
 and you did not dace;
we sang a dirge,
and you did not mourn.""

In all the previous times I've read this passage, I never really understood this particular section. What's interesting to me is that Jason said that their faith, rather than being child-like, was childish in that Jesus didn't always follow their expectations of a Messiah. Considering what I've been learning lately about being a disciple of Christ, I realize more and more how often my actions are tainted by my own expectations of how I should be "acknowledged" or "repaid".

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. In short, she was in a bad mood, and I felt that she was taking her anger out on me. And yet, even as I was 'fuming with anger,' I realized how much I want to be recognized for being a good daughter. I do my best to follow my parent's rules; I don't stay out late, I do well in school, and I try my best do not sass them. Now, I have to say that I am a far from perfect daughter and know full well that sometimes, I'm just too lazy to be a good one. But, at other times, the fight isn't my fault, and this is when I feel unappreciated. At times like these, I'm really challenged to ask myself, "Am I really doing EVERYTHING for God? Especially being a good daughter, even when it means tolerating & forgiving my parents' shortcomings?" I guess it's easy for me to overlook how such wrong motives can turn into seemingly right actions. For some reason, I guess I kind of had this weird connection back to Matthew 11. I hate to say it, but my faith is childish. Pray for repentance.

Time for a lil' vulnerability...

It was a humbling day. I am a sinner. God's grace is still good. especially because....
-I am prideful & quick to anger over the smallest situations
-I still struggle the idols such as Facebook (as silly as it sounds), comfort, and self-image
-One of my biggest idols? Wanting a boyfriend even though I know I am nowhere near ready for one
-I struggle with giving myself fully in my homework assignments and not "cutting corners" by cheating
-I care about my own reputation over the glory of God in my life
-I have a poor self-image
-I am lazy and would prefer sleeping over spending extra time reading the Word and praying for those who really need it
-I find myself wanting to impress people over God in sometimes church-oriented activities

This post was difficult to write, but liberating as well because
God says, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." Romans 9:14

Praise Jesus.

Panama

So I guess I'm going to Panama this summer...

God really amazes me. I really do believe that God will use this experience to not only use me as a blessing to the Panamanians, but also as a way to increase my faith in Him and sort of prepare me for college. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I think that part of the reason God is guiding me to Panama is so that I can grow a lot in some aspects of my life--in parts that I didn't even realize needed much help.

Even though it's only been a few days since I've committed to going, God has already begun teaching me SO many thing, both practically and spiritually. One huge thing is money: I never really realized how much my parents have supported me, and how much money I tend to spend. This is sort of the first time I have ever really been independent of my parent's financial support and completely dependent on God's providence. That alone has made me re-evaluate how I spend my money on basic things, such as food, clothing, and going to events. I never really realized how much I needed to change in the ways I manage my money, because my parents have always been so supportive of everything I do, regardless of the fee. It's been a huge blessing, but now it's time that I start using what I have wisely.

A few days ago, I realized how lacking I can be in faith partly because I've never had a complete dependence on God. My life has been so good: I've always had the food, the money, the clothes, the education, the supplies, pretty much handed to me. But now, I have no idea how many people are really willing to support me financially, or if I will even be able to raise enough money. In addition, I just found out that I need to have my plane ticket money ($870) a lottt sooner than I thought, so I really do need to depend on God for this one. Strangely, I'm peaceful about the financial situation and I know that God does provide. I am amazed more each day by how much God provides me with the support I need both spiritually and financially.

And so, this is basically what has been happening in my life for the past few days. I'm excited to see what God will continue to do in the future. Regardless of what happens, I know that He is faithful, and He is good.

Praise Jesus!

Still Loving..

Hello blogspot world! For any of you even remotely interested, I have still been keeping up with doing acts of love consistently, although I haven't taken the time to blog about each and every one daily. But here's a quick update on some of my love life:

Volunteered to make HSF's new BINTOU Box for our sponsor child in Mali! Also made the first donation of $20!

Helped my friend Amy decorate the new prayer room on Saturday. Stayed for about 4 hours at church!

-Donated books, CD's, drapery, carpet mats, Christmas lights and misc decoration to the prayer room as well
-made a point to talk to a someone at church who just began to come. Stayed with her for most of the fellowship time so that she'd have a friend!